The Cherremony

NaPoWriMo 24 Brief: to write about a particular fruit

Some things are easier to make into an occasion than others
Turning cherries into an occasion is easy
This is how you do it:

  1. First you obtain your cherries
    Whether from the tree or from the market
    Obtain them
  2. Next, think about how good the moment will be
    When you put that first cherry in your mouth
    Moist and sweet, sticky and juicy
    A bright red squirt escaping from your mouth
    And a zingy tingle down your spine
    As you take that first bite.
    Your mouth may water when you imagine this moment
    This is perfectly normal.
  3. Now, choose the location for the ceremony
    And it is a ceremony
    For the duration of the ceremony
    You want to sit comfortably
    You don’t want interruptions
    You need somewhere to dispose of the stones
    Now I’m not just talking about a bin
    That is conventional
    This is a ceremony
    And you need space
    Lots of space in front of you
    For the competitive stone spitting
    That will follow each and every cherry
    Stone spitting is an essential part of the ceremony
    To eat cherries without competitive stone spitting
    Is a terrible waste
    Worse than that, it is a travesty
    A crime against the beauty
    Of the simple pleasures in life
    I cannot emphasise this enough:
    Competitive stone spitting is essential
    You will need plenty of space in front of you
    For the cherry stones to fly from your mouth at force
    With varying degrees of success
    May I suggest sitting on the edge of the Leeds to Liverpool canal
    Slightly further east from The Royal Armouries
    It is more peaceful there
    Although Clarence Docks will suffice if you are pushed for time.
  4. Do not be pushed for time.
    You would not rush a wedding
    This is a ceremony to be savoured
    It will take as long as it takes
    Which won’t be as long as you allow
    But allow for at least two hours.
  5. Leave the rest of your day free
    Don’t make plans to do anything afterwards
    Notably anything requiring you to be clean
    Cherry savouring can, and should, be dirty
    Getting dirty is proof that you know how to live the good life
    Because you do, don’t you?
    Those delicious cherries won’t eat themselves
    Those delicious plump reddy purpley sweet sweet cherries
    Won’t eat themselves
    You will get messy
    That is an important part of the ceremony
    Battle wounds give you all-important points.

Back to location
Another suitable location might be a field
You want your cherry stones to land
Like Olympic long jumpers
Their final location observed and noted
And applauded.

  1. Expect the best but prepare for the worst
    Your cherry stones will go far
    They will go so far that they will land on the other side of the canal
    You will emerge victorious
    And your competitors will watch in horror
    As your cherry stones leave theirs for dust
    Every single time
    You are a hero
    A cherry stone spitting hero
    And others quake when you pass by.
    Savour that feeling.
    It has been shown that visualising the result you desire
    Has a proven effect on success
    So visualise
    Your stone WILL hurtle through the air at force
    And you WILL emerge victorious
    On the other hand,
    Be prepared that you may fail
    And miserably.
    Be prepared that you don’t yet have the skills needed
    To propel cherries at force from your mouth
    Heroes are not made overnight
    They hone their skills over years and years
    Failing many times on their journey to success.
    Be prepared that your cherry stone may land at your feet
    It may go sideways
    Or worse, behind you
    Or hang, limp, from your own lips
    The ultimate humilation
    Be prepared to own your own failure
    With a smile
    And humbly show your appreciation for your friend stroke competitor
    Who can send their cherry stone so far
    That you think SURELY that one should get in The Guinness World Book of Records
  2. I forgot to mention
    You need friends stroke competitors
    One will do
    More is also good.
    Choose friends stroke competitors who you love to play with
    Who you can fail in front of
    And still smile
    Who you can be happy for when they inevitably beat you
    At cherry stone spitting
    Did I say inevitably?
    Expect the best
    You can do this
    Now what are you waiting for?

5 thoughts on “The Cherremony

  1. Oh what an absolutely delightful experience of cherries! They don’t grow where I live so the very first time I tasted them, I was so greedy I ate 2 pounds of ’em and made myself thoroughly sick – but it didn’t stop me from eating tons of them ever after if I had a chance!


    1. Thank you Shuku Li, only just found your comment now. Yes I know the feeling, Fig trees aren’t common round here so when I am around fig trees I am the same. Can’t… stop… eating…


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