The Apology

I wanted to be there
I really did
But the moon is in Saturn
And that is a pig

I wanted to be there
But try as I might
My fingers weren’t working
And then they turned white

My tongue went all fuzzy
My neck got a cramp
My armpit was growling
My toenails got damp

You have to believe me
I never would lie
Just, my roof was too low
And my carpet too high

I thought I was dying
Or was already dead
Then I saw mountains
The rivers ran red

The cat started yowling
The telephone rang
The parrot went flying
The cooker went bang

The WiFi went down
There was a mouse in the toaster
I slipped on some ice
And misplaced my coaster

The car wouldn’t start
What I mean is that I lost it
And the garage wouldn’t open
I had to defrost it

I finally reached the door
And my tailbone started twitching
That’s never a good sign
So I retreated to the kitchen

The tea leaves said to stay at home
But I wanted to go out!
My ancestors were pleading
That they’d send 10 years of drought

I couldn’t let you down
I went back to the door
I slipped on the remote
And broke a toe or four

I wish I could have been there
But my dog swallowed my keys
I did all I could, it’s beyond my control
My apologies. Thank you, please.

NaPoWriMo 12: write a poem that plays with the idea of a “tall tale.”